


The Pain of Being Human

by SarcasticSunshine, Sass_Sarcasm_And_Spite (SarcasticSunshine)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, BAMF Camdyn, BAMF Harry Potter, Camdyn Stewart is Harry Potter, Eldritch beings, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hufflepuff Harry Potter, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Master of Death Harry Potter, Morally Grey Harry Potter, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Rebirth, SO, Time Travel, and he needs to figure it out, cause harry/camdyn is going through some shit, everybody is a badass, listen, this thing will have a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:23:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23469457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSunshine/pseuds/SarcasticSunshine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSunshine/pseuds/Sass_Sarcasm_And_Spite
Summary: Being the Master of Death was never supposed to be an easy job, but Harry liked to think he handled it masterfully.  However, Death didn't agree.  So Harry was sent back to be reborn as a mortal, to get more in touch with his human side.  Now living as Camdyn Stewart, he has to navigate through Hogwarts as The-Boy-Who-Lived barrels through.(I know the summary is kinda bad, but stick with me here.)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Male Character(s), Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood
Comments: 32
Kudos: 160





	1. Rebirth

Harry stared at the bowl with a glazed expression, the water inside was rippling ever so slightly, his shaking hands resting on either side of the bowl. The images of war-torn fields and dead bodies strewn everywhere were slowly vanishing from the water’s surface as the ripples displaced the images.

A pale hand curled around his shoulder, causing Harry to flinch violently, nearly knocking over the scrying bowl. Turning around, he glared half-heartedly at the skeleton behind him. A bleached skull grinned, as much as a skull could grin, from behind a black shroud.

“You know you shouldn’t stare at the Bobhla Sgriù for long, you start to see things you shouldn’t.” Death’s bone-clattering voice echoed throughout the cavernous room, still chilling to Harry, even after so many years with the eldritch being.

“I’ll be fine Death, I was only just got here.” Harry’s voice was a little high-strung, Death was the only thing that managed to scare or startle Harry in the past millennia. Death’s teeth clattered together, most likely in agitation, but it was hard to tell as Death was a skeleton with no muscle and skin to perform facial movements.

“You still shouldn’t stare into a bowl that is controlled by Fate, who hates you enough as it is, and can most likely give you visions that can drive you insane.” Harry knew that Death was right, but it still irritated him slightly when Death tried to coddle him.

“What did you want me for?” Harry said, completely ignoring Death’s statement, preferring not to touch on the topic mentioning Fate always brought up. Brushing past Death, Harry started towards the exit, smirking when he heard Death annoyed clattering behind him.

§~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~§

“You want me to do what?” Harry’s voice was incredulous as he set his tumbler down, staring at death, who sat across from him, lounging on the couch.

“I want you to go through rebirth again.” Death’s voice was soft, a sign that Harry should watch his words carefully. Taking a deep breath, Harry got up and rounded the couch that Death sat on. Leaning on the back of the couch, Harry’s breath shook as he tucked his hands into his armpits.

“Why?” Harry’s voice cracked slightly as he tapped his foot lightly. His nerves were on end, and he felt panic starting to bubble up in his stomach.

“You know damn well why.” Death’s voice was a taut as a bow string, his irritation evident, and Harry noted dully that he was starting to rub off on Death, as Death usually spoke rather properly. 

Harry wanted to blow up, get angry, or express his upset at the situation quite clearly, but that wouldn’t do him any good. Harry’s heart thumped painfully in his chest, his fear curling around his chest, squeezing tightly and infecting him.

“Why do I need a ‘Vacation’, or need to live a human life again.” Harry’s throat tightened with each word, not wanting to go through that sort of _pain_ again.

“You know that you have been dissociating, again. You’re starting to lose touch with your human side. I chose you to be my companion because of your human side, because of your morals that only evolve from the human side of you. I would rather not lose you because you got too caught up in immortality.”

Death’s words felt like a knife to the heart, and Harry flinched. Not wanting to devolve into an argument that had happened before, Harry grasped Death’s shoulder. Taking a look at the now human face that stared up at him, he nodded, even as tears filled his eyes.

§~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~§

Harry woke up, remembering that he was a 11-year old wizard named Camdyn Stewart. Of course Death had sent him back in time to when ‘Harry Potter’ had defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort.

Camdyn pulled back the covers, and stared at the floor for a minute. It had been eleven years since he had been reborn, and Camdyn still hated it. His mother had never been concerned with his apathetic behaviors (the wizarding world had terrible mind healers), and his twin sister was only concerned about mooning over The-Boy-Who-Lived, and their father was who-knows-where.

Hurrying down the stairs, Camdyn started when someone ruffled his hair. Jerking around, Camdyn saw his mother, her red hair flowing down her back. She smiled at him, her white teeth shining.

“Come on Camdyn, breakfast is waiting.” Following her into the kitchen, rolling his eyes as he saw his sister eating her eggs and toast very primly. 

Sitting down at the place set for him, he looked at his mother, having a feeling she would be asking him a question.

“When do you two think we should head to Diagon Alley to get your school stuff?” Looking at his sister who was too busy trying not to get food on herself to answer, Camdyn answered for them.

“How about tomorrow?”


	2. Graveyard Cypress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ollivander is and always will be a creep.

Diagon Alley was as crowded as always, the winding rows of shops covered in bright colours and signs, enticing customers to shop within their doors. Even though she had been many times, Camdyn’s sister was looking around with slight awe. His mother was herding them towards Gringotts, her hands grasping her children’s shoulders.

“Alyssa,” his mother scolded as Alyssa tried to stop at a potions display. “We’ll come back when we have money for your school things.”

With an exaggerated pout, Alyssa allowed herself to be dragged along, her eyes turning to look at Camdyn. Maneuvering herself to be next to him, Alyssa whispered, “I’m excited for potions classes, I hear the youngest potions master ever is teaching! I bet you’re excited for Astronomy, you’re always staring at the stars.”

Camdyn hummed noncommittally, barely glancing at the goblins as the small group passed them. He heard Alyssa babbling on about something or the other as their mother told them to stay there. Getting lost in his own thoughts, Camdyn had the sudden epiphany that he would be going to school with his first incarnation.

Harry James Potter. Camdyn knew what the boy had gone through - what he was going through, but he felt detached. Camdyn found it hard to associate with the naive little boy he had once been, so easily manipulated to others whims. Maybe this should be telling him something, after all, Camdyn had stuck to a moral code for centuries, even millenia, but apparently it had fallen into severe disrepair.

He couldn’t bring himself to care.

A massive, hulking figure caught Camdyn’s attention, the man was striding through the door, the child at his side small, dwarfed even father due to the man’s figure. It was Harry and Hagrid. Camdyn hadn’t checked the calendar, not like his sister did everyday, only just now realizing what day it was.

It was Harry’s first foray into the Wizarding World, still enchanted by the glamour that slides over everyone’s eyes when they see it for the first time. Camdyn wasn’t too interested in Hagrid, but Harry did catch his attention. The hand-me-down clothes hung off his small frame, his shoulders hunched inwards, making himself a smaller target.

Obviously a habit.

The sight of the boy caused something inside Camdyn to roil, an instinct he thought long dead clawing from its coffin. He shook it off, trying desperately to convince himself he was sick. Camdyn didn’t want to get involved, _didn’t want to get attached_ a voice whispered inside his head. Maybe the voice was right, whenever he got attached, it never ended well. Usually with the other person dead.

What he wanted to do was curse, scream, throw a fit, and punch Death in the face. Camdyn hated the feelings that came with being reincarnated, it always messed with his mind, tearing him apart from inside. Outwardly he kept his cool, while there were plenty of insane people in the Wizarding World, Camdyn would rather not be one of them.

Shaking his head, Camdyn eagerly got up to follow his mother when she approached them, wanting to get away from the boy who made him feel.

§~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~§

It was easier to be an apathetic asshole when he wasn’t near Harry James Potter. His sister was pointing out certain potion ingredients with an enthusiasm that would have been astonishing had Camdyn not lived with her for eleven years. He only got the standard potions items needed, he wasn’t a potions nut like his sister.

Everything he got from the stores was the standard things he needed, Camdyn had never really been one to get more than he needed (Even during one of his lives as a prince of an extremely wealthy kingdom.) When they arrived at the Magical Menagerie however, his heart took a second beating today. He had never truly gotten over Hedwig’s death, even after he saw her (not really alive) and well in the after life.

He wanted to bring her with him, he wanted to take her home and love her with all the love his dead heart could produce, but she wouldn’t be Camdyn’s Hedwig, and that tore at him. Instead he bought a kneazle kitten that looked suspiciously like a tuxedo cat and named him Toby. His mother told him to head to Ollivanders while they went to Madame Malkins, and sent him off with a small pouch of galleons.

Camdyn felt relief when he left the Magical Menagerie and headed to Ollivanders and then cursed Fate when he saw who was inside.

§~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~§

Of fucking course Camdyn would meet Harry Potter for the second time in a row, after all, Fate couldn’t just let her favourite chew toy go off scotch free. Ollivander and Harry both looked up when the little bell rang, and Camdyn hurried into the store, clutching Toby tighter.

When the kneazle let out a small mrrow of discomfort, he loosened his grip, allowing the kitten to leap onto his shoulders. He squared his shoulders, turning to Ollivander who was inspecting him with his silvery eyes.

“I remember your mother’s wand, Oak, 11 and ½ inches with Dragon Heartstring, firm. You, however, seem quite different than your mother, Camdyn Stewart.”

Camdyn wanted to ask how Ollivander knew his name, but knew it was probably some mumbo-jumbo he came up with to spook children. Ollivander continued speaking, ending with, “Let me just get Mr. Potter here fitted with his wand and then we’ll move on to you, eh?”

Camdyn nodded, and not knowing what else to do, leaned against the counter. He watched as countless wands passed through Harry’s hands, and as the shop fell into a further state of chaos, right until the Phoenix and Holly wand fell into Harry’s hands.

Camdyn felt a small fondness bubble inside him until he stamped on it firmly, _no getting attached_. Moving forward, Camdyn grabbed the first wand Ollivander handed to him, noticing that in the corner of his eye, he could see Harry hovering near the counter now.

Ollivander’s face grew more delighted when he noticed how many wands passed through Camdyn’s hands as well. After trying nearly every goddamn wand in the shop, a wand of light coloured wood came into his grasp, and he felt and hum echoed through his body.

“Very interesting,” Ollivander said, his tone slightly severe. “The wand that chose you, Mr. Stewart is one that leans to more darker areas. The wood is Graveyard Cypress, which symbolizes death to many, including the Romans. The core is from a Curupira, the hair indicates a talented, powerful wizard that is very unpredictable. I hope you will use the power at your disposal very well Mr. Stewart, or we will all be doomed.”

Shivering at the words that came from Ollivander’s mouth, Camdyn paid for his wand and hightailed it out of the shop, with a dignified grace of course.

He could help but feel that this was the start of a darker journey than what he first went through at Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever, but the Sims. . . . and other stories . . . . Anywho, enjoy the new addition to The Pain of Being Human, and if you are interested in Tomarry, I have two more stories on my profile. (Yes I know, shameless self promo).
> 
> Have a nice day/night/evening/ect.!
> 
> (Fun fact: I actually did digging on wand cores and wood symbolism so yay me!)


	3. Sorting of Camdyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sorting

Camdyn woke up to his sister slamming into his room, the door knocking against the wall with a loud bang. Alyssa shouted, her voice filled with excitement, “We’re going to Hogwarts! Get your lazy butt out of bed!” Her ambush finished, Alyssa ran downstairs, breakfast now the thing on her mind. With a groan, Camdyn poked Toby, who was napping in the crook of his neck, trying to get him to move.

The kneazle glared at him before leaping off the bed, and sauntering out of the open door. Camdyn quickly changed, taking a quick look at the clock and seeing the time at ten thirty. He was very glad that he had packed his trunk the night before, as he wouldn’t have enough time to pack his things.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, his mother was there with two pieces of toast wrapped in a paper towel which she handed to him. Camdyn whistled and Toby sauntered over, giving him a glare. Setting the toast on the counter, he put Toby in the carrier, much to the Kneazle’s horror.

By the time Alyssa had brought down her trunk, and their mother double checked everything, it was 10 minutes to eleven, and their mother decided to apparate, as it was too far to use the car.

The platform was as busy as Camdyn remembered it to be, with owls and cats making noises, parents shouting to their children, and witches and wizards clumping together next to the scarlet steam train. His mother ushered him and Alyssa onto the train, and kissed their cheeks, telling them to send a letter after their first day, and I love you’s. Camdyn thought his mother was a bit much sometimes, but Alyssa loved the attention.

“I think I’m going to find a compartment of my own, brother dearest. I need to make friends without you looking all moody behind me. See you at Hogwarts!” And with that, Alyssa walked off, looking into the compartments as she passed them.

With a sigh, Camdyn wandered off in the opposite direction, searching for an empty compartment, as unlike Alyssa, he’d rather not make friends. It took him ages, and the train was almost ready to go when he found one, near the front of the train. After a few seconds of struggle lifting his trunk onto the rack above, he let Toby out of the carrier and set it on the rack as well.

The kneazle gave him a rather stern glare, and lept up onto the cushions across from him, curling up in a patch of sunlight. Camdyn shook his head, exasperated.

“You should probably get used to the carrier, you’ll be in it several times over the next few years. And at Hogwarts you’ll be able to run around to your heart’s content Toby.” The kneazle ignored him, already asleep and snoring. With a sigh, Camdyn pulled out his toast and ate it, becoming lost in thought.

What Hogwarts house would he be sorted into this time? Honestly it was always a toss up, the Sorting Hat liked to put him in the three other houses when it pleased, but acquiesced to his requests when he asked it to put him in Gryffindor. It had taken him a few lifetimes, but Camdyn had figured out that the Sorting Hat put you in Gryffindor if you asked. It made sense, to ask you had to be brave, even if you didn’t know you were being brave.

Camdyn just hoped it wasn’t Slytherin. To be honest, Camdyn had nothing against Slytherins, and most times at Hogwarts, he made very good friends with Slytherins. They weren’t all bad, just like people. But while he loved Slytherin (the dorms and common rooms were quiet, and people were willing to help, even if you had to do a favor for them), it would throw Harry bloody Potter into super suspicious mode. 

Camdyn knew how Harry Potter thought, after all, he had once been Harry Potter, and the fact that Ollivander had told him that his wand leaned toward darker magics . . .

It didn’t help that Harry’s indoctrination into the Wizarding World was that Dark wizards and Slytherins were all evil. While he had no plans on making friends with Harry, Death would probably manipulate the situation to make them friends, the asshole. It would be easier to not chafe with the boy, and Camdyn didn’t particularly feel up to being a manipulative mastermind.

The was a knock on the door and it slid open, pulling Camdyn from his thoughts. It was the trolly lady, and he paid for some sweets, not really hungry, but craving sugar. With a small smile and a thank you (he had met Hannibal Lecter in one life, and made it a point to be polite always from that point on. Camdyn had been lucky that Hannibal liked him, or he would have been dinner), he sat down and began to pick at the sweets.

It was while he was gnawing on a pumpkin pasty that the door slid open a second time. Having expected this, Camdyn did not startle like the first time. The bossy voice was familiar, and Camdyn felt something weird stirring in his chest, it almost felt like _loss_.

“Excuse me? Have you seen a toad? Neville here as lost his, and we’re looking for it.” Camdyn looked at Hermione, trying to get rid of the weirdness in his chest, and spoke quietly.

“I must apologize, I haven’t seen a toad on the train, I do wish you well on your journey to find it though.” There, that was formal enough to not sound like he was feeling anything. Hermione nodded sharply, and closed the compartment door and walked off, Neville trailing behind her.

Camdyn looked at the kneazle, who had one eye open and was staring at him.

“What in the ever loving fuck is happening to me Toby?”

The kneazle just flicked it’s tail and went back to sleep.

§~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~§ 

The train came to a halt a while later, and darkness had fallen upon the scottish countryside. Camdyn left Toby curled up on the cushions, knowing that the kneazle would be in his dorms when he got there.

He turned to the voice shouting “First years over ‘ere”, and began to follow the hulking giant known as Rubeus Hagrid. Camdyn kept an eye out of Harry, making sure to avoid him when he saw the boy. Hagrid led them down a trail to where a little fleet of boats sat in the inky waters of the Black Lake. A fitting name indeed.

Harry got into a boat with three other people who whispered amongst themselves. A bit of motion came from the corner of his eye and he saw Alyssa sitting with Pavarti Patil and Lavender Brown. (He had always found Lavender’s name odd, who named their child after two colours?) She was waving at him vigorously, and he gave a wave back, which seemed to satisfy his sister.

They passed a bend and Camdyn saw the beautiful sight that was Hogwarts. No matter how many times he saw it, Hogwarts was always beautiful, a shining radiance exuding from it that Camdyn had never quite seen any other place do. He stared at it, listening to the sounds of awe from the other first years, until they bumped into the shoreline on the other side.

Camdyn followed the herd of children to the Entrance Hall, and stifled a laugh when they jumped at the ghosts passing through the wall. Camdyn felt another weird pang in his chest when he saw Professor McGonagall, and began to wonder if he was sick.

Her speech was the same as he remembered it, and when the doors opened to the Great Hall, Camdyn’s breath caught in his chest. It was so obviously _magical_ , and it was beautiful. Then again, everything about Hogwarts was beautiful.

He heard Hermione whisper, “The ceiling is enchanted to look like that,” and the awed exclamations of others. Camdyn observed the students in the hall, who were watching the first years with eager eyes. He dragged his gaze to the stool at the front of the room, and made an aborted little laugh when he saw the Sorting Hat.

After they all lined up and the Sorting Song, McGonagall called names. Camdyn didn’t pay much attention until he heard, “Potter, Harry,” and looked up like the rest of the hall. Harry walked to the stool, slightly curling in on himself with all the stares directed at him. It was about five minutes before Harry was sorted, officially making him a Hatstall.

The cry of “GRYFFINDOR” had the Gryffindor table erupting with cheers, and grumbles from the rest of the hall, excluding Slytherin. Camdyn lost his fascination until he heard his sister’s name, knowing he’d be called next. “Stewart, Alyssa!”

Camdyn watched as his sister winked at him and strolled up to the Sorting Hat, jamming it eagerly on her head. It was only a minute later when the hat called, “Gryffindor!” and the hall clapped. Now it was his turn. 

“Stewart, Camdyn!”

He walked to the stool, keeping his limbs and shoulders loose and easy, face blank. When he got there, the hat was placed onto his head, and Camdyn immediately felt the mental connection take place.

_Oh ho ho, what’s this? A time traveller? No, a continuously reincarnating immortal who’s come back to Hogwarts. Plenty from all four houses, indeed._

Well, it has been a couple millenia, I would hope I’ve become more fleshed out then the average eleven year old.

_Ah, a sharp tongue as well. I wouldn’t put you in Gryffindor, it isn’t your wish, and while Slytherin would thrive in your presence, I can’t help but feel that isn’t the right path to go to._

Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw then? I’ll admit, it isn’t often I’m placed within those two houses.

_Yes, I have seen that. You used to have a great thirst for knowledge, but that died out sometime long ago. You are plenty creative, and would flourish in Ravenclaw. But wait, what’s that? You’re extremely loyal to those who earn your trust, almost like a compass needle. And while sometimes you wish to not do so, you are an extremely hard worker, and put effort into the things you do._

_You are kind, despite what you would like to think, and care a great deal for others. Yes, I know just where to put you, Camdyn Stewart._ ”

Get on with it then.

_So snappy, well then, better be,_

“Hufflepuff!”

Camdyn felt the hat being lifted from his head, and walked down to the Hufflepuff table with a small smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever, but I hope you enjoy this chapter and his Hogwarts placement! Toby is modeled after three of my cats, Erebus, Adrestia, and Toby, the last of whom unfortunately passed away. My other cat, Marley, may take a spot of Toby's personality! 
> 
> Have a nice day/night/evening!


End file.
